If I lay 10 mils of diazepam on you, it will do something else to your brain. We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly. The meaning dawns on him. Got a bit carried away. The purveyor of rare herbs and prescribed chemicals is back. I feel unusual. [pulling some goo out of the sink] Withnail: Withnail: This boy's been out there frozen to the marrow and you just sit in here drinking. I'm a friend of Montague Withnail's. Marwood puts his hand on Withnail's shoulder, they've arrived at the cottage, it's cold and dark, amorously puts his hand on Marwood's arm as he peels vegetables, he pulls its head off and tips some pills out of it, stands barefoot, about to leave Withnail and Marwood's flat. Withnail: Withnail and I is a 1986 film comedy written and directed by Bruce Robinson and starring Richard E. Grant (Withnail), Paul McGann (Marwood, the "I" of the title), Richard Griffiths (Uncle Monty) and Ralph Brown (Danny). Be seated. He's lent us his cottage. [the man who called Marwood a ponce gets up and walks over to them. Tell him if you must, I no longer care. I'll deal with the water and other plumbings, you can check the fuel and wood situation. Withnail: You haven't slept in sixty hours, you're in no state to tackle it. As a youth, I used to weep in butchers' shops! He's so mauve, we don't know what he's planning! Here was a man with 3/4 of an inch of brain who'd taken a dislike to me. His sister give him the idea. You love him. Do you realise this gaff's overrun with rodents? Your email address will not be published. [amorously puts his hand on Marwood's arm as he peels vegetables] Why can't I have an audition? Withnail: I've looked into it. We want the finest wines available to humanity. Danny: No, man. [narrating over scene] Policeman 2: How can it be so cold in here? [seeing a road sign reading "ACCIDENT BLACK SPOT. Now, look, you. I'm good looking. Marwood: I'd never have wanted it, not with him in it! Here, I dont want it. [extends arm with umbrella straight up to sky]. [after a phone call with his agent] Any minute now he's going to rush out and get into his tights. Danny: No, nor woman neither nor woman neither. It can utilise up to 12 skins. Then it was a rodent. Oh, look at this little bastard. How dare you call me inhumane?! The only thing youre in that Ive been in is this ****ing bath! Withnail: Withnail: I feel like a pig shat in my head. You can never, never disguise it. Withnail: Marwood: He's right, Withnail, look at him! "Oh no, please, don't pull my head off." We live in a land of weather forecasts and breakfasts that set in, shat on by Tories, shovelled up by Labour, and here we are, we three; perhaps the last island of beauty in the world. This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Withnail And I. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. Danny: If I medicined you, you'd think a brain tumour was a birthday present! Don't you agree? All right, get hold of it. Chin-chin. Withnail: Marwood: You're full of Scotch, you silly tool! Withnail: You want me to call what's-his-name and ask him about his house? You needn't explain, he's told me everything. I'm preparing myself to forgive you. Danny: I don't advise a haircut, man. Withnail: Well neither have I. Monty: *Bastards*! Making enemies of our own futures. [to Withnail] Me? No, no, you can't. And yet, to me, what is this quintessence of dust? by Anonymous: reply 16: February 3, 2021 10:58 PM: I've gone on holiday by mistake. [reading graffiti] *You'll all suffer*! I'm starving. *Scrubbers*! Mrs. Parkin: Survey of rural types. Man delights not me. Withnail: Jake: Now look, you. They are flat broke, so they move to the house of Withnail's uncle in the countryside. Marwood: (Voice-over) Thirteen million Londoners have to wake up to this. [holding up a pill] Man delights not me, no, nor women neither. Yeah, I know, but I got the logs in. There's nothing out there except a hurricane. [voiceover] Pin By Lucy MckFunkdrick On Sunny Side | Withnail And I, Mens www.pinterest.com. How dare you tell him I'm a toilet trader! Offer him yourself. There's a man over there that doesn't like the perfume, the big one. Sons are the anchors of a mother's life. It will pass. Withnail: Sort of said it without thinking. I don't want to hear anything. Old suit? The poets represented in the book include the Old Wykehamists John Crommelin-Brown, Lord Alfred Douglas, Robert Ensor, A. P. Herbert, George Huddesford, Lionel Johnson, William Lipscomb, Robert Seton-Watson, Thomas Adolphus Trollope . "Curse of the Superman. The fucking kettle's on fire! Marwood: Danny's a genius. Marwood: We're early. Withnail: Scrubbers! Withnail: Right you f***er, I'm going to do the washing up! Withnail: How should I possibly know what we should do? Marwood: (Voice-over) Danny's here. If you think you're going to have a weekend's indulgence up here at his expense, which means him having a weekend's indulgence up here at my expense, you got another thing coming. It sent chills up and down my spine when Keith quotes Prabhupada when he said . Monty: [about Danny] Withnail: The bastard's about to run at me! I must go home at once and discuss his problems in depth. Apart from a raw potato, that's the only solid to have passed my lips in the last 60 hours. Oh dear, no, no, no, I'd be sucked into his trap. Withnail: Probably wintering with his mother in Guildford. Withnail: Haven't seen Gielgud down the labour exchange! Marwood: Withnail: Sulking up the hill. DRIVE WITH EXTREME CARE"] [to Marwood] Withnail: Good old Jake. [reading the note] [cheerfully hopping back over the wall] - Monty: Youre going to finish the vegetables. I must be out of my mind. It's impossible, I swear it. But no man's put me down yet. Get that damned little swine out of here! He can eat his ****ing radish. Monty: Marwood: I have just narrowly avoided having a buggering. He's been fed from arsehole to beak. This *is* the morning. Maybe he's written this in some moment of drunken sincerity. Street: The Embalmer! Or do you shut yourself off from new experience? Here. It's you he wants. You don't deserve such loyalty. They are playing poker with bottle tops and a . Withnail: My wife is having a baby. This is a court, man. There must and shall be aspirin, or I shall die, here, on this fucking mountainside! Withnail: These are the sort of windows faces look in at! Marwood: You are invited to spend an hilarious weekend in the English countryside. Marwood: [Marwood comes out of the bathroom wearing a towel]. All right here? [points a fencing sword at Marwood face] Withnail: I have of late, but wherefore I know not, lost all my mirth. Jake: If you don't remember the sixties, don't worry - neither did they. Ponce! Marwood: [Marwood is leaving to go to Manchester to do a play. Marwood: Marwood: Monty: How dare you! Prostitutes for the bees. You have done something to your brain. Have you either of you got shoes? Withnail hands Marwood the bag of shopping and jumps over the wall to safety. I'm in a park and I'm practically dead; what good's the countryside? [is being arrested for drunk driving] Have you been away? Monty: (to the cat) you beastly little parasite how dare you, you little thug how dare you, arrgh beastly ungrateful little swine. Monty: Here hare here. withnail. My thumbs have gone weird! We might wanna do a film in here. Reflecting these times. I must have some booze. Just because the best tailoring you've ever seen is above your fucking appendix doesn't mean anything! I think we've been in here too long. [stands barefoot, about to leave Withnail and Marwood's flat] These are the sort of windows faces look in at! We get in there and get wrecked, then we'll eat a pork pie, then we'll drop a couple of Surmontil-50's each. I was gonna cook onions. moment in a TV show, movie, or music video you want to share. In fact, he'd probably tell you what he was going to do before he did it. Right can anybody explain the here hare here joke from withnail and I? The carrot has mystery. Withnail: Don't threaten me with a dead fish! For reasons I can't really discuss with you. Danny: I think you've been punished enough. I assure you I'm not [drunk], officer, honestly. Withnail: Old suit?! [spits onto the ground] So there's this judge sitting there in the cape like f***ing Batman with this really rather far out-looking hat. All right, Miss Blennerhassett, I'm warning you, if you do, you're fired. I can never touch meat until it's cooked. Are you the farmer? Well, of course you don't, you are incapable of indulging in anything but pleasure, am I not right? Now, come along, Im going to teach you how to peel a potato., I must have some booze. Required fields are marked *. Don't vent spleen on me, I'm in the same boat! Do you grow? These aren't mine, they belong to him. Withnail: Come on, old boy. He doesn't have any friends. Withnail: Bates novel I'd read. Gi' me one in t' knee. Marwood: Withnail: Hold on, don't let your imagination run away with you Marwood: Imagination! Withnail: Peter Marwood (I): We want the finest wines available to humanity! Had a weight under his fez. 2 quotes have been tagged as withnail-i: Bruce Robinson: 'We've gone on holiday by mistake' and Bruce Robinson: 'Here. [holding umbrella in rain] - Washington Irving. Withnail: Don't threaten me with a dead fish! Especially that. You need working on, boy! Wait till the morning, we'll go in together. Withnail: But now he's stopped he's much better in our sex life and in our general life." Chin-chin. Didn't you hear? I might come and see you lads in the week. I'm gonna be a star*! Now, what makes you think I should give you something for your pot? Look at Geoff Woade. I'm getting the *fear*! Withnail: Sulking up the hill. How dare you call me inhumane! [they stop and look at each other. Nothing that reasonable members of society demand as their rights! Well neither have I. I mean, look at us! Calm down. Director: Bruce Robinson Stars: Richard E. Grant, Paul McGann, Richard Griffiths Rating: Unrated Runtime: 107 minutes Withnail and I is a 1986 film comedy written and directed by Bruce Robinson and starring Richard E. Grant (Withnail), Paul McGann (Marwood, the "I" of the title), Richard Griffiths (Uncle Monty) and Ralph Brown (Danny). Peter Marwood (I): Stop saying that Withnail, of course hes the fucking farmer! STANDS4 LLC, 2023. No it doesn't. [whispering] Withnail: Withnail: What goods the countryside? Quotes.net. [Withnail's lonely, aging homosexual uncle Monty has gone home, leaving a note humbly apologising for the desperate sexual advances he made on Marwood the night before]. I often wonder where Norman is now. He gags and gasps]. Give me a downer, Danny. And how dare you tell him I love you?! Monty: As a youth I used to weep in butcher's shops. Withnail: It's like Greenland in here. What happened to my agent? Would you like a drink? There are are things in there; there's a teabag growing! I dislike relatives in general and in particular mine. Because I don't advise it. No fridges, no televisions, no phones! Oh, don't tell me you're not aware of it, I know what you're up to and so do you. "Geoff Woade is feeling better and is now prepared to step back into society and start tossing his orb about." Marwood: Well, it's not my fault if the system doesn't work! Marwood: Marwood: Marwood: Jesus, look at that. I feel dreadful, I feel really dreadful. Monty: Marwood: I know you're not asleep, boy. Uncle Monty: I've been preparing myself to forgive you. Danny: One of us has got to stay on guard. Withnail:I'll not have this shag sack insulting me! [Heckles pedestrian] Throw yourself into the road, darling, you haven't got a chance! Uncle Monty: I can never touch raw meat until it's cooked. I need at least an hour for lunch., Even a stopped clock gives the right time twice a day. Marwood: Withnail: (Ranting on a mountain) Bastards! He's going into your room. We live in a land of weather forecasts and breakfasts that set in. General: Marwood: I don't care where you come from! Nothing that reasonable members of society demand as their rights! You little thug! If you have any question or suggestion then just comment below or contact us. We want them here and we want them now! I mean to have you even if it must be burglary. Waitress: You're not in the same boat. Please don't. If I see that silage heap hanging about up here, *I'll take the bastard axe to him*! Withnail: Marwood: Marwood: Withnail: Especially that pimp! You fill this with piss, take this pipe down the trouser and sellotape this valve to the end of the old chap. Withnail: Marwood: (Voice-over) I could hardly piss straight with fear. He can eat his ****ing radish. [he pulls its head off and tips some pills out of it]. Uncle Monty: Oh! Danny: You're looking very beautiful, man. "Here. I'm in the middle of a bloody overdose! Isaac Parkin: I want to see about digging the car out anyway. I can't. [a live chicken is standing on the table]. I invented it in Camberwell, and it looks like a carrot. Withnail: No you can't, I can't get my boots on when they're hot. Listen to this. . Marwood: We worked out it would be very handy karma for him to get hold of a suit. Probably on a tenner a day, and I know what for! Withnail: Withnail: There must and shall be aspirin, or I shall die, here, on this f***ing mountainside! That's worse than meths! Withnail: The thermostats! You will make it low. [Jake has left a dead hare hanging on the cottage door, along with a note], Monty: He told me about your problems. Withnail: It's obsessed with its gut, it's like a bloody rugby ball now! What are we supposed to do with that? [looking at a newspaper] But I never really had it in my blood, and that's what's so essential, isn't it, theatrical zeal in the veins. Followed by yet another anecdote about his sensitive crimes in a punt with a chap called Norman who had red hair and a book of poetry stained with the butter drips from crumpets. [he swerves dangerously through the motorway traffic]. Jesus Christ. A coward you are, Withnail! To tutor it in the ways of righteousness, and procure some uncontaminated urine. Indeed, I remember my first agent. Just run at it! Vegetables again. It's full of brilliant quotable lines: "We've gone on holiday by mistake!" "My thumbs have gone weird". Evidently country people are no more receptive to strangers than city-dwellers. Yarn is the best way to find video clips by quote. Withnail: (He spits out a globule of phlegm) Jesus, look at that. Marwood: I didn't call you inhumane. You're looking very beautiful, man. "I'm gonna pull your head off because I don't like your head.". Withnail: But old now, old. [approaching the pub] We're coming back in here. I want something's flesh! [on top of a hill, shouting into a valley, his voice echoing] Hare. Start shouting. You wouldn't spike me, you're too mean. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. You'll all suffer! No, that is a dog. Got busted coming back through Heathrow. [they've arrived at the cottage, it's cold and dark]. Monty: Withnail: I assure I'm not [drunk], officer, honestly, I've only had a few light ales. We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly. We've gone on holiday by mistake. So here we are gonna talk about some of thebest quotes from the movie. Look at us! Sulking up the hill. Withnail: Marwood: I've no idea, I've never met him. The greatest decade in the history of mankind is over. Because if you do, I'll have to give you a dose of medicine. I've only had a few ales. Marwood: This most excellent canopy, the air, look you, this brave oerhanging firmament, this majestical roof fretted with golden fire, why, it appeareth nothing to me but a foul and pestilent congregation of vapours. There can be no true beauty without decay. Who is the huge spade in the bath? This is me, naked in a corner! Withnail: Tactical necessity. Withnail: Weve gone on holiday by mistake. Maybe he's written this in some moment of drunken sincerity! Withnail freezes in terror with a mouthful of pie, ripping Withnail's tartan scarf off his neck, Withnail suddenly runs out of the pub, so does Marwood, Marwood is in the pub toilets, after walking past a hulking Irishman who's called him a ponce, Withnail picks up a bottle of lighter fluid, he pours the lighter fluid down his throat. I'm in the middle of a bloody overdose! Politics, man. I feel unusual. We've just run out of wine. This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight. [voiceover] [after being threatened by Jake the poacher] What had I done to offend him? Monty: Well, of course you dont, you are incapable of indulging in anything but pleasure, am I not right? Black puddings are no good to us. The older order changeth, yielding place to new. Bit early in the morning for festivities, isn't it? Withnail: I happen to be the proprietor. Withnail: quotes military heroes famous quotesgram. I'm in the middle of a bloody overdose! "Withnail and I Quotes." [Withnail sees Marwood eating some brownish fluid out of a bowl with a spoon] I wouldn't drink that if I was you. It's horrible really but they like that, the little girls. [noticing the plastic bags that Withnail is wearing over his shoes] What the f*** are you talking about? It's like Greenland in here. Here are found the emeralds, sapphires, carbuncles, topazes, chrysolites, onyxes, beryls, sardius, and other costly stones. When I come in, I seen one the size of a fucking dog. Tea Shop Proprietor: Withnail: Withnail: Marwood: Do you know, when you first came in here I knew you were a services man. When they take a holiday "by mistake" at the country house of Withnail's flamboyantly gay uncle, Monty, they encounter the unpleasant side of the . Withnail and I Quotes. Find the exact moment in a TV show, movie, or music video you want to share. We want to get in there, don't we? You're looking very beautiful, man. Monty: I been watching you, especially you, prancing like a tit. I have a heart condition. And at the end, it seems Withnail is sad that Marwood is leaving him and regrets his choices. We worked out it would be handy karma for him to get hold of a suit but he's a very low temperature spade, the Coalman. [takes pill out of doll] Trade: Pheno-dihydrochloride-benzorex. Finally, the Withnail And I script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Richard E. Grant movie. Withnail: Get out of it for a while. "I'm gonna pull you head off." Makes no difference so long as you keep taking the pills. "Oh no, please, don't pull my head off." He's building the prototype now. What have you found? Yet again that oaf has destroyed my day! "I'm going to pull your head off, because I don't like your head.". The greatest decade in the history of mankind is over. How like a god! Monty: Withnail is walking him to the station in the heavy rain, they stop and look at each other. Danny: Quite freaked me at the time. Isaac Parkin: It's like great yellow sock. Just say there are a couple of drunks in the Penrith tearooms and we want them removed. It's too hot so he drops it]. I really don't want you to. I don't know what's in here. It's the only solution to this intense cold. I'm a trained actor reduced to the status of a bum! Marwood: (Takes the shotgun) Well let me tell you something, Withnail. [offering Monty a glass] Headhunter to everybody. I tell you, I've a fuck sight more talent that half the rubbish that gets on television. Goes into court in his kaftan and a bell. I say, you know what we should do? This pill's valued at two quid. Is Marwood in love with Withnail? by Anonymous: . Must be 20,000 sheep up there on those volcanoes, we've got a plate full of carrots. I think it's time to release you from the lgumes, and transfer your talents to the meat. Nothing that reasonable members of society demand as their rights! Withnail: Marwood: "I f*** arses"? Withnail: Marwood: Withnail : Right, you fucker, I'm going to do the washing up! He's so mauve, we don't know what he's planning. An expert on bulls you are not! Danny: The police, Miss Blennerhassett. Armed with this splendid script, Richard E. Grant executes a tour de force as a relentlessly angry-at-the-world unemployed actor and raging alcoholic. You won't keep us anywhere. It has felt like listening to a symphony and here comes the crescendo. Oh, my boys, my boys, we're at the end of an age. Always full of women staring out of windows, whining about ducks going to Moscow. Isaac Parkin: Prostitutes for the bees. We get in there and get wrecked, then we eat a pork pie, then we drop a couple of Surmontil-50s each. No, his dog doesn't come up here. It's those dreadful beady eyes, they stare you out. . An old woman with a clunky hearing aid pinned to her apron opens the door]. : Withnail and I. I find the quote read by Monty from the note written by the poacher very usable: "Here, Hare, here." Surely Herr Hare Here. Withnail freezes in terror with a mouthful of pie]. I'm gonna be a sta-a-a-a-ar! It's like a bloody rugby ball now, it will die, it will die! You're simply blackmailing your emotions to avoid the realities of your relationship with him. It'll pass. [the bull is scraping the ground with its front hoof, snorting]. [toasting with a drink] 1 comment. I adore you. [fondling the money Monty has given them to buy Wellingtons] Danny: Relax, man, find your neutral space. This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight. Ah! Marwood: Peter Marwood: That's alright, I'll go alone. What are you talking about, Danny? Outvie him. Marwood: Stop saying that, Withnail, of course he's the f***ing farmer! Withnail: Withnail: Withnail: I demand to have some booze!. Throwing themselves into the road gladly to escape all this hideousness! Sherry? I've absolutely no interest in yours. report. Go with it. Cos if you do, I'll have to give you a dose of medicine. reading, studying, and reflecting this history have led to this moment. Withnail: Then why has my head gone numb? Danny: Cool your boots, man. This is a device enabling the drunken driver to operate in absolute safety. The thermostats. Then the fucker will rue the day! It's a bloody chicken! Monty: Here.". There can be no true beauty without decay. Danny: Now that represents a degree of hypocrisy I've hitherto suspected in you, but have not noticed due to highly evasive skills. 13 million Londoners have to wake up to this. We're in the middle of a f***ing gale. Listen, we're bona fide, we're not from London. How come Monty owns such a horrible little shack? This doesn't go down at all well. Give in to it, boy. Marwood puts his hand on Withnail's shoulder]. I might fetch you up a rabbit. And this one has a definite imbalance of hormone in him. [a few minutes later, Withnail re-enters the cottage holding a wet stick]. Ive absolutely no interest in yours. [voiceover] Look at him! Even a stopped clock gives the right time twice a day And for once I'm inclined to believe that Withnail is right We are indeed, drifting into the arena of the unwell making an enemy of our own future What we need is harmony, fresh air, stuff like that. 100% Upvoted. Offer him yourself. Here was a man with 3/4 of an inch of brain who'd taken a dislike to me. [wakes up in the back seat of the car, which is moving along the motorway] I'm not having this shag sack insulting me! So he looks at the Coalman and says, "What's all this? Withnail: (Appalled) How dare you! save. Marwood: Withnail: Will we never be set free? [the bedroom door slowly opens and the intruder enters with a torch]. Marwood: Cunt gave him two years. [leaning out the car window] Withnail and I is a 1986 film comedy written and directed by Bruce Robinson and starring Richard E. Grant (Withnail), Paul McGann (Marwood, the "I" of the title), Richard Griffiths (Uncle Monty) and Ralph Brown (Danny). That's a very good idea. The man was fined $10,000 and was ordered to pay $1,843 in restitution to Maine. Laisse-moi, respirer, longtemps, longtemps, l'odeur de tes cheveux. Thought I was going for a minute. Danny: I will say one thing for Monty, he keeps a sensational cellar. Making an enemy of our own future. Something's got to be done. Hello? You haven't got a chance! I've gone and fucked my brain! Monty: ""Here. Listen, Withnail, it's a stinker. Add spice to it. Withnail: [Withnail picks up a bottle of lighter fluid]. We are not drunks, we are multimillionaires! [while high on drugs] grant . Afrika Korps. This suit was cut by Hawkes of Savile Row. Headhunter to his friends. Maybe he f***s arses! Clearly a myth. Look at me, I'm 30 in a month and I've got a sole flapping off my shoe . I recommend you smoke some more grass. What's in your hump? That's what you say. Little tarts, they love it! I don't consciously offend big men like this. Jesus Christ, this huge, thatched head with its earlobes and cannonball is now considered sane. Look at him. No, I'd better go. A Massachusetts man was sentenced to probation for running an illegal hare trapping operation in Maine. Withnail is cowering under the covers]. Ah, he knows. Marwood: (Voice-over) Speed is like a dozen transatlantic flights without ever getting off the plane. You've got a rush. So, there's this judge sitting there in a cape like fucking Batman with this really rather far-out looking hat. [ruefully] Its landlord was a retired alcoholic with military pretensions and a complexion like the inside of a teapot. Withnail: [a poacher enters the pub with pheasants stuffed under his coat, making him look like a hunchback]. The paragon of animals. Withnail: I could take double anything you could! [she still doesn't answer. Monty: Withnail: 'Scuse me. All right, this is the plan. The carrot has mystery. Marwood: My heart's beating like a fucked clock! Sitting down to enjoy my holiday. [Withnail laughs hysterically and falls to the floor, then vomits on Marwood's feet], Withnail: Be seated. [Withnail suddenly runs out of the pub, so does Marwood], [Marwood is in the pub toilets, after walking past a hulking Irishman who's called him a ponce]. Monty: In this case, it most certainly would not. echosmith cool quotes lyrics kid song yah crowd she straight lyric follow quotesgram sees them lines bord kiezen he sydney He is even taller than Withnail and much more burly. You want working on, boy! This doll is extremely dangerous; it has voodoo qualities. There can be no true beauty without decay. Withnail: No! How *dare* you! Why can't I get on television? How noble in reason! The best GIFs are on GIPHY. What are you doing up here, then? Imagine getting into a fight with the f***er! Uncle Monty: Oh, my boys, my boys, forgive me. That's what I want to know! What a piece of work is a man! Browse Recommendations; Choice Awards; Genres; Giveaways; New Releases; Genres Withnail unfolds the note and hands it to Monty. I have a heart condition, if you hit me it's murder.