funny responses to what are you doing this weekend

"You know I can do this anytime.". I understand theyre looking for an ice breaker, but its not that interesting to talk about Ill probably get to laundry if Im not too lazy. I wish there was another common conversation starter among people you already know. But sometimes that comes across as I just dont want to, and thats pretty hurtful. Or autistic natives; I know this one intellectually, but I still have a lot of trouble remembering in the moment that its usually not a real question, and Im also unsure how to respond when I do remember, because I dont like lying, and Im well/fine is usually a lie for me. You have attached a new question to an old thread. I expect either Oh were going to see New Movie/having a picnic/running errands or I dunno, usually followed by how about you? Its a low pressure small talk question, most of the time. What are you doing for dinner? !" And the balls in their court if they were actually trying to set up something fun. ), OMG YES can this question please die FOREVER? Sometimes this takes several rounds before everyone realizes theyve done their line but missed their cue. Yay! If they really are trying to manipulate you then Im afraid having just the right words wont fix it you will probably have to say no directly when they finally get to their request. When she asks me what Im doing on a particular day, I just say Im not sure or I need to check my calendar until she tells me what she wants. Okay, how would that be couched in terms of a lease you would give to another renter? I usually list a few of the things Im doing and treat it as a conversation starter, i.e., ask them about their weekend. Nanani, that is absolutely true. Ive noticed that sometimes when coworkers as me what Im doing theyre really just politely trying to start a conversation about the weekend so they can tell me all about their exciting weekend plans. Trust issues and controlling family? (Say it like he or she is complimenting you even though he or she is not.) I really need to catch up on some sleep this weekend. That way they know Im not going to be up for a 7 am hike, or a 9am brunch, but if they wanted to do an early happy hour Im probably going to be up for it. If theyre just curious, they can say so, if they want to invite you to something, it gives them the chance, and if you feel like engaging further, you can. I understand commenters who dont see this question as anything more than polite small talk. I'd Be Better if You Asked Me out If I Was Any Finer, I'd Be China Add me as another one for Why? or Why do you ask? Because Ive discovered the people who ask what Im doing are usually people who want to ask me to do something they know I wont want to do (usually. I m trying to understand the other side, all those people who say they do this to make declining easier, but it just makes no sense to me. Not everyone in my life always has. (Women with STEM doctorates especially get constant streamers of this kind of contempt from their families.). Or is it more like she doesnt get involved into such decisions but you expect her to follow through and water your radishes? People here are talking about changing a norm, but you have in fact learned the norm correctly, and Im sure this whole conversation feels like slipping sand beneath your feet. Why is that worth it? On the other hand, being around them makes my shoulders go up around my ears. Whatever hits them the hardest should work just fine. If its as specific as Thursday, thats true, but I find when its a larger stretch like the weekend or the holidays its just as likely to be an attempt to get to know you and learn about your hobbies, interests, routine, etc, and find out if you have anything in common/have a life they find interesting/etc. person: cool yep I myself often do not care what Im eating because FOOD, but even if I have zero preference as to the restaurant, I will engage in the decision making process in order to help the other person out, and also because it gets us to food that much faster. I was usually planning board game evenings and role playing games and I only tried to ask people whom I knew to be interested in what I was planning. Auto-reply email sample: Hi [first_name], Thanks so much for reaching out! Cause you dont have to find out if Im busy BEFORE inviting me to something or asking me for a favor. I have other plans. But if you just asked me if I have plans and I just admitted that I dont, then yeah, it can look pretty rude or hurtful if you invite me to something and I have to decline. On the other end, I have a tactic for weekend planning. For people I know, the answer is closer to what you say is the norm in Sweden anything from Having a truly awesome day to Need more coffee to counteract the baby waking up an hour before the alarm. For close friends, I can and have answered with details about what the brain weasels are up to today. What are you doing this weekend? This is a great one because it invites the other person to tell you something that they want to share. Theyre almost certainly not trying to pry into information you consider private! The joke about (insert joke) cracked me up on your profile. The LW is getting socially trapped, and needs a selection of answers that are vague while also claiming her right to her time. etc. Thats a great answer! But the thing is that people who were born in other contries than here (Sweden) ask me where Im from all the time. For example, if there were a certain number of hours per week or month that she needs to work at certain things you set, Im not seeing a problem. People on a dating site who ask what youre up to on Thursday are not literally asking what youre doing Thursday. I am sure this is going to get attacked for scaremongering and concern-trolling, but I mean, yeah. I get the friendly sentiment, but its not always welcome and people would do well to use more discretion. Hah. We do this so thoroughly that we then have to figure out how to re-train them so this doesnt put them at greater risk in the presence of predators, and we dont do that re-training thoroughly enough. Nothing special. Going to mars where children don't ask questions. No, seriously, TheDukeDevlin has the correct answer. but I agreeparents of adult children (Hell, parents of NOT adult children) need to be more respectful of their childrens time and energy. It feels like they expect me to put in the majority of the effort, and it would be nice if once in a while instead of saying I dont see you enough they would say Would you be up for meeting up at the coffee shop on my town on Saturday if [their issues] allow? But its not something thats going to change, so I smile and nod at their noises and continue to plan things with them at exactly the rate I feel like doing so (including making extra effort if theyre going through a really tough thing). There is no need to think about what they're up to or why they sent you the . It leaves me an opening to decline politely once everything has been said. My current boss is a total jerk. And I think for online dating purposes Im going to assume #2 unless I get significant evidence otherwise. Silly Friend: what are you doing this weekend? It is perfectly ok to want some calm alone time or time with a cat watching Winter Olympics (that is actually great, our cats especially seem to love skiing) and no-one else really needs to know. / Is it OK for so-and-so to tag along? How do I know if my comment was lost or is just stuck in a mod queue? For the record, I will totally cat-sit for you. And then you get people who let it go there and people who keep fishing (where are your parents from? etc etc because they think its impolite to ask WHAT are you, but they really really want to know, so they know what stereotypes to assign you, as you said, or even because theyre just curious, like youre an object). Them (if it was an invitation prequel) would Thursday at noon work for you?, Them We need to have lunch soon I think LW is unable to separate people doing something that they personally find annoying, and people intentionally trying to annoy them. My husbands family is large and I generally love them, but sometimes I just do not want to eat little smokies and chips with 40 other people in a loud house with tons of screaming children. I ask that question so I wont impose myself on someone by asking them to do something if they already have plans. Something like this happens every single time. Am I Really? Opposite of what I want . Could be specific to where I am, though. Instead we got stuck attending an MLM pitch. Thats already happenedshe made a big stink about her dad telling her that they were all going to do something to support me at a time when I was really upset (something that would have taken about an hour of her time). I hate ditherers with the passion of a thousand suns. Thats a way it can work, certainly, but why is it magically guess the exact time theyre free and what they want to do with no input if the person who first said lets hang out is then suggesting a time or activity, but something other than magically guessing if the person who first said lets hang out and is told yeah, we should is the one saying Saturdays are good for me, how about you? or Ive been meaning to see Black Panther? People ask this to fill the time while standing at the break room microwave, not bc they want to trap you into revealing state secrets and hardcore kinks. N- New adventure. Catching up on sleep, doing chores, spending time with my partner. Also works for the similar How ARE you? @Grant Us Eyes mentioned. How about you? I dont understand the point of the question. How should I respond? LW here. And its hard to argue with. Totally fair and perfectly polite. Thats fair. Thank you!!! 3. Remember, . I understand that theyre just trying to be friendly and make small talk but it still feels invasive. UGH. I understand the concept, but it seems to me that getting an invitation after revealing that you were nominally free at that time would make refusal even harder, not easier. This one calls for what I call the Gladys response, because I saw it articulated by a woman named Gladys. I tell her every chance I get that Im grateful for all the emotional labor she does with categorizing her friend groups. Im glad its not a way to get rid of someone/blow them off without saying so. I love that you are into mountain biking! It gets exhausting dealing with Got any plans this weekend? starting on Wednesday and then What did you do this weekend? again on Monday. So if you say Im probably going to that new movie, they dont ask and youre not put on the spot. I really enjoyed my years living in the American South, but I realized the day would never come when I wouldnt be seen as an outsider. When its done as the pre-request, I get really annoyed that the person wont just ask me directly. The underlying assumption, is/. And I agree that literally saying No, I dont want to get to know you better is a bit off. Oh man.I think this sort of thing bugs me because my dad very carefully taught me to ask/invite people for a specific activity/time precisely to avoid this scenario. You're supposed to live it and enjoy it. I can see how doing anything on thee weekend is small talk, but that would only count if the person is someone you are not on visiting terms with, like most of my colleagues. Id be open to a one-on-one hangout but just out of energy for any group thing, if thats why youre asking laundryall the laundry. I can vouch for this strategy! If you're worried your co-workers or boss will assume you need more to do if you don't talk about your heavy workload, go for this response. And sometimes the answer is well but if they respond that way theyre not your friends anyway, but we interact with a lot of people who are not our friends but who are important to our lives (coworkers, for example, or in-laws) and yet who can levy that cost. I have learned over my decade plus of retail experience that the key to small talk that doesnt annoy people is to feel out what they seem excited to talk about. They were being blunt and probably didnt realize the pressure I felt to say yes to direct requests, and didnt understand why I felt hurt when, upon working up the courage to ask for something directly, it was turned down. Crossword puzzles, chess, sudoku, or other puzzle games Cooking Travel Gardening Art, music, crafts, writing, podcasting I felt disliked, maybe undervalued, often embarrassed (and some of that came from my own brainweasles or ablism in broader society, not primarily my parents) but never unsafe. Other Half keeps the diary, I need to check.. (I know that I dont want to is in fact a perfectly valid excuse. ), You can also be very vague, but leave the door open for follow-up if you want to share. You went out and you didnt even invite me? he said, Well I asked you if you had plans and you said you were doing homework! Well yeah, because I had no other plans at that time because you did not indicate to me that there were any other options! It is trickery and so frustrating. Which I learned is a great policy to do with favor sharks. Well, it is a basic level of people-ing that you need to get used to if you want to interact with other humans, yanno. An alternative then is to actually mention the fact that you are sending them an email. Going back to work? It gives them nothing, and forces them to divulge their plans. Flying in a rocket ship. Those on the other side never see it that way. Thats a little heavy-handed to apply to someone from one letter. [Note to my friend who also reads CA, this is not you ], I tend to do direct invites, sometimes with a range of possible dates, but I have occasionally done the We should do [X] sometime! and had months go by without getting around to organizing [X], even if Ive extended other invitations to the person also interested in [X]. Ive learned also that its ok to be a deer in the headlights if Im caught off guard bc I can always invent something shortly after or next day and say whoops forgot I had x. I think it would be helpful for folks to give LW the benefit of the doubt that she/he is not taking the time to write in to an advice column over very simple coworker small talk questions. Young women and girls are not stupid. Its not over-sensitivity when people react to it theyre reacting to what they know is likely to be underneath it. It doesnt mean Im not an interesting person or my life is less meaningful if Im selective about who I share the details of my life with. Them no problem, I hope things are going well for you. My family are a bunch of hyper-social weirdos for whom my introvert-ness is very confusing. Must say I kinda love your kids response. If the asker tends to demand stuff from me, Im likely to claim Ill be busy. Like oh youd rather do nothing at all than do this activity with me, wow., I wish I had better boundaries around that. Well, have fun whatever you end up doing / decide to do. People hinting around leading up to asking for dates: Pretty much the same deal, only much more dangerous. (This could be walked back but it would require a decent amount of active displays of interest in me from the other person.). If its something Im keen on, the answer is, Woot! a coworker you dont hang out with outside of work asking this question on a Friday) and as a pre-request/invitation. Me: Nope. Tell me more! Of course I would never do this it would be returning the aggression but its a real puzzle to me. my mother does this. The only tricky part I have encountered so far is if you actually say you are busy doing [thing] and instead have planned to watch the Winter Olympics with your cat, perhaps do not write an update about that to Facebook. If one of us is dropping the ball about getting back to you, say so. He hardly ever asks anymore though. That takes some skill. Its the pre-request that to me frequently feels almost manipulative or entrapping. Sometimes its totally innocuous, as LW said.

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